Today I am writing about your bookbag, your purse, your wallet, your gym bag of whatever it is you carry around with you day to day. This bag is filled with all the stuff you need for the day to function like a phone charger, some snacks, bottle of water, clothes, laptop and all the other things we carry daily to live our best life. But, this is not the baggage I am talking about. I am talking about the baggage we carry that cannot be seen, it is not physical or a solid thing. It is emotional and is the result of hurt, pain, bad relationships, physical abuse, mental abuse and anger. As a teacher I worry more about the baggage my students bring to school and how I can look for signs to get them help.
Adults also have baggage and plenty of it. I see grown people in their 30’s, 40’s 50’s and older carrying around baggage from emotional scars that always seem to surface when things get tough. They have not dealt with it and have tucked it away inside deep and it is a roaring lion waiting to be released on a family member, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, co-worker or others at a moments notice. The person attacking will not tell the other person why they are so upset or mad and the person on the receiving end is confused as hell about what just occurred. This is a quite common in second marriages and relationships between parents and teenagers.
The things of the past come back or come out to haunt the present and future. So how do we learn to overcome this and leave it all behind. I truly believe that it all starts with forgiveness. We must first forgive ourselves for allowing whatever it was that scarred us to happen. Then we must forgive the person or persons for doing what they did. In Ephesians 4: 31-32 it states that we should “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you”. Holding malice and anger is what the devil wants and he loves to see us fail at being a forgiven person. God wants us to forgive and live a vibrant life that does not include the stress of anger, resentment and malice towards others. We then direct all that sin and meanness towards those that truly love us and have our best interest at heart.
What is in your bookbag and does it get in the way of having a healthy relationship with family, friends and coworkers? Does your inability to forgive the past get in the way of your future. I myself have been hurt and have scars and not so long ago after two close class with death I suddenly realized that holding onto anything from the past that is not a positive memory is life walking around in a mine field somewhere. The loved ones you attack because of your anger and malice towards someone else also wonders if they are going to step on a mine at times when you become mad. Below are things I feel would help you to understand how others feel when you blow up on them because of something someone else has done to you in the past.
1- Most people generally are not mean and are “not” doing things to you on purpose. Why would anyone do something knowing an ass chewing may be coming from it.
2- People that are unforgiving and holding onto emotional baggage tend to take everything to heart. They accuse their spouse, siblings, family and friends of hurting them on purpose or doing things just to be mean.
3- Telling someone “nothing” when they ask you what is wrong, why your mad or what they did does not fix things. That is the problem, instead of talking it our, acting it out, going outside and screaming or whatever it is they lash out at others as a response because they have programmed themselves to feel pain and blame it on others.
4- God can and will help you with this. He has the answers and will enable a change in that bookbag and the baggage it is loaded down with. In order to do this, you must first seek him, his guidance and learn to let go, live anew and forgive the past.
5- Walking away will not fix it. Changing spouses, quitting a job, moving to another city, etc. will not fix it. Is will just mask it, put a little bandage on it until it rises up again.
“You cannot have a future without forgetting, forgiving and moving on from the past”. Get out of your feelings, get over the poor pitiful me routine and clean out the bookbag and build healthy relationships. Love, Kindness, Compassion, Mercy, Grace , Forgiveness, Empathy, Sympathy and other positive words are what we all should try to be. It starts within and then can spread to others.