Today I am writing about toxic relationships and how they can destroy families, friendships, marriages and cause chaos. I have been fortunate in my life to find a loving and wonderful wife that seeks a great relationship with me. We get along mostly, disagree at times, but in the end we are together and strong. I see this in many of my friends and family as well. Positive, supporting and loving relationships that are far from perfect, but in the scheme of things are solid. Then comes the reason I am writing this today as I see so many toxic relationships, people unhappy, angry, upset and constantly fighting.
These are very unhealthy and will eventually destroy the relationship, create hostility and resentment which leads to divorce, breaking up or worse (possible abuse). I put together a quick list of five warning signs you should avoid once you see them come to light. As soon as one of these pops up, you best get out now or eventually face chaos, fighting, anger and possible depression. I have seen many people try to “change” someone, but lets be real. People will only change if they want to so sitting in wait hoping he or she will change more often than none leads to disappointment and wasted time and effort.
1- Impulsive behavior- If you recognize that the person is very impulsive emotionally, has an addiction or gets angry very fast get out now. If they live impulsively in life, how can live wisely in a relationship with you or others. These people may lack integrity, commitment and jump from relationship to relationship. Do they have the ability to show self control when taking care of family, kids and responsibilities. If they are a heavy drinker, tend to take themselves over others then get out now.
2- History of Bad Relationships- These people have been in destructive relationships and have lots of emotional baggage they have not gotten past. They will find things you do to be annoying and it will trigger memories eventually creating chaos, confusion, lack of confidence and commitment issues. They will put words into your mouth and spin things as they see them. They will dislike previous spouses, friends or relatives over the hurt that they likely had something to do with. Bitter, selfish and hateful.
3- Only Gets excited when you do something nice for them- These are gold diggers, looking to advance in life and are conceited. They can be selfish, self-loathing and want it all without putting in the effort. These people eventually mooch enough or do not support in the relationship that leads to a breakup or argument. They should want to be with you because of who you are and not because of what you have. Once they are done with you they may move on or get someone on the side to satisfy their needs to have money and stuff.
4- Immediately Jump Into Bed on First Date- These people are driven by sin of the flesh and a desire to conquer. They have self-esteem issues or are conceited and not concerned about the emotional impact it may have on the partner. They are as the old song says “Looking For Love in All the Wrong Places” and may have a long list of sexual history you should avoid. Instant attraction is a human nature but the lack of self control on a first date or two could be a sign to get out now. If they are tempting you sexually before getting to know you, then they are about the flesh and not the heart.
5- They play head games with you- This is a sign that they do not know how to be in a productive relationship. They confuse you with nice Oneday, grumpy the next. Today things are good, tomorrow is a a bad day and you feel like you are on a roller coaster ride all the time. This is chaotic, unhealthy and not productive. They keep you guessing and play games. Show a lack of interest and emotion and keep you off balance. They have bad intentions and are selfish and playing games.
To recap just remember that a person that has good intentions will show it early. They will be committed, honest, kind and supportive. Set your standards high and avoid any of the above like a plague. Eventually they will end up with someone just like them in a toxic relationship and ride that roller coaster if anger, resentment, self-loathing, fear, lack of confidence and destructive behavior. Two bible verses below for you to read. The first describes a healthy relationship and the second describes a destructive one. This is all you need to judge on going forward. If you are blessed to be in a healthy relationship then Thank God for that and pray for growth. If you are in a destructive relationship then ask God for help, seek his guidance about it.
What kind of love are you seeking in a partner?
Does the person you are with display nay of the list above?
If you are in a destructive relationship can you walk away, are you strong enough?
1st Corinthians 13: 4-7, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things”.
Galatians 5: 19-21, “Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God”